What to Say?

I’m having a bit of a dilemma about what’s OK to blog about and what not.  E.g. my last post, that’s not really my story to share, is it?  Where do you draw the line as a blogger when it comes to writing things that are on your mind, but that may not necessarily be entirely ethically correct to speak about?

I won’t leave you hanging, the diagnosis is confirmed.  The lump is removed.  She won’t get hormonal treatment because it’s not that kind of cancer, it doesn’t respond to hormones, so the decision is now up to her in terms of chemotherapy and radiation.  It’s not a nice or easy decision, the bottom line is that chemo is going to make her very sick and it’s only purpose is to “be on the safe side”.  I don’t know what to say, I’m not sure what choice I would make in that same boat.  I think the recommendation to remain child free for 5 years stands.

In other news, the blogettes are all abuzz with some really super amazing news of an adoption placement… but that is a story that will be told in good time by the new mommy who is one of us. 

So where do you draw the line with your blogging?  Would you for instance, tell the story of a colleague who opened up to me after I told her about the above placement, and told me that she suffered an adoption loss before adopting her daughter?  I’m touched by how people’s stories inspire others to open up and share their experiences, and I like writing about that kind of thing.  But again, it’s not my story to tell, other than maybe how I was impacted by it.

Do you wonder about how your blog impacts your readers, your family, the people who know you?  Do you wonder about how your blog impacts you?  Like for instance, we all have those bad-hair-day posts, where we are grumpy or annoyed with someone or some situation and we need to get it off our chest, knowing that the comments will provide support, comfort and some reason to snap out of it.  How do we know that doesn’t impact us further down the line one day, applying for a job, meeting people we don’t know, taking our kids (to be) to a friend’s house for a play date?  Maybe something you voiced into the ether in 2006, will follow you around for years to come.

I’d like to think that in general the impact of our blogging world is positive.  It’s a thought provoking conversation, most of the time.  It’s an incredibly compassionate space.  And to be honest, yes it’s true that everything you post on FB or on blogs is something that can follow you around for an eternity, but who has the time to check out what someone they’ve just met, said in 2006?

I guess it’s just stalker fodder.  Someone would need to take a very serious interest in who you are to get obsessed about everything you’ve ever said.  It happens, and it happens to some pretty ordinary people.  And I’m sure when it does, life can get somewhat complicated, but am I prepared to give up writing, which I love so much, because of it?  Definitely not.




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6 responses to “What to Say?

  1. The way I see it, I talk about my response to whatever and how I’m thinking or feeling about it. That is the only way how I can be authentic with my blogging.

    And as long as you would say the same thing face to face, then there’s nothing to worry about.

    i love the good news about the adoption which I haven’t heard about!

    ps did you ever get the solar geyser?

  2. Sam

    Thought provoking post Mash.

    Many a time I’ve asked myself – what do I get out of blogging and why am I doing it? For me it’s cathartic, a way for me to get what’s going on in my head out in a “good way”… a way that I can re-access before hitting publish. I also love the debate posts can spark and the love and support one gets from them too. I’ve had more positive come from blogging than bad. To me it’s an extension of my real life. Yes there have been posts I’ve done and thought after “whoops not right” but you know that’s what I’m like in real life too. I say and do things that I might not think right etc. I think that if you are going to blog you need to make sure that it is an extension of yourself and that you don’t show a different persona online than you do in real life. i think for the most part I get that right.

    RE sharing other ppls stories on blogs, I believe that as long as you are not saying things you wouldn’t say to that person’s face or seriously infringing their rights by naming them outright, it’s ok. Much like when I’m talking to people if I feel I can’t/shouldn’t say it, then I don’t/wouldn’t blog it.

    Sorry for the uber long comment.


  3. This is just the reason that I deleted my blog. I think that I used my blog as an anonymous platform to say things that I would never have shared IRL consequently I shared too much IMO – I miss it though and I think about blogging again but don’t think I will be able to filter it enough and be honest about my life. I thi k the filtering distorts the reality but not filtering (in my situation) is too risky. It’s a tough one because I long to share with you girls who I feel like I know even though we’ve never met but I’m to scared about over sharing and putting Jaden at risk… It feels like this online community is so close but we don’t really know each other at all

  4. The Blessed Barrenness

    I’ve thought about this a lot too. For eg: the blogger who got her adoption placement, that is her story to share and I don’t believe it would be right for me or any other blogger to make that kind of an announcement to the blogging world.
    I also agree with Marcia, if I share my thoughts and feelings and its the same as what I would have/did say to the person’s face, then I don’t believe there would be any harm done.
    We all get it wrong some times and make blogging faux pas and that’s ok, it’s part of the learning experience. Having said that, I recently discovered that our birth mom and my own mother follow my blog. This has helped me filter myself a little better. I always think about what they would think if/when they read that specific post.
    It’s a learning experience for me, there are things I have written about in the past that I wish I hadn’t but I’m learning as I go along.

    • Wow, you see, that right there is quite scary. I mean ultimately, your birth mom is so incredibly special to you in your heart, it’s such a precious connection. I’m scared I might speak about something that happened that would put concern in a birth mother’s mind. E.g. we got held up at knifepoint, had a child been in the car with us, had something happened to that child, and the birth mother read it on a blog… Wow I definitely need to process this a little further…

  5. To Love Bella

    Mashy – I like to think that my actual STORY is an inspiration to others. As for my posts – well, for the most part, I hope that it will help someone somewhere with something that they are battling with. Or help someone realise they are not alone.
    I would not share someone’s exciting news at all – that is NOT my story to tell. The same goes for secrets – not mine to tell. Doing so would actually be pretty damned selfish, if you ask me.
    What I CONSTANTLY worry about is being judged – or what people think of me in terms of what I blog about. I am my own worst enemy and at the best of times I don’t think I’m good enough for anything; so that is what obviously prompts me to worry. Nevermind that my blog is just that – MINE. MY place for venting, chatting and so on.
    I’m really crap with actual words spoken, but when I “write” I can say what I need to say because it’s typed and how easy to press that back-space. I have the odd unpublished posting – because I just need to VENT to space. Because I need to SEE my vent and have that outlet.
    As for family – no one that I know of reads my blog (family wise). However, I found out in July that our neighbour (and friend) reads it, as does other girls in that circle. It left me icy cold and I had that kinda frozen smile on my face. She said she googled it, but come on – my name is not on my blog, so how she got to it remains a mystery to me. When I found out that she (and others) reads it, I did a quick little head-scan to check whether I’d said anything about her or them.
    I am not comfortable with sharing my blog with family; because I use my blog occasionally as a vent against the negativity I often receive from my mom. She has the ability to take me from hero to zero in 2 words flat and I need a space to SHOUT at her, because I cannot do it in person.
    Enough waffling. Sorry ’bout that.

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