So time is whizzing on by, and it’s already been six weeks since we met with the social workers.
I wanted to fill in all those forms perfectly, and we have put a lot of love, care and attention to detail into them. But something else has crept in – a little habit of mine. I get completely stopped in my tracks by my perfectionism.
If someone gave me two years to put together this adoption profile, I would take the full two years, working on it every day. I would scrutinize every photo and every word. And I’m heading down that path right now.
How do you reflect who you are, and everything this adoption means to you? It’s huge. I mean, I was worried about what to wear for the screening, hello. This weekend I am going to have to seriously pull myself towards myself and push forward!
I did quite a bit of research on this of course. I’ve read loads of online adoption profiles. I’ve looked for advice. And I do actually want to share what DH and I found, because it’s amazing stuff. Take a look at these bright, funky profiles.
And then. There is this website, giving adoption profile advice. We’ve both read and re-read the website countless times. This is what I got from it (in my own, less than eloquent words):
- Your adoption profile is not a self centred vomit about you and how fab you are. Your adoption profile is in fact, entirely about the birth mother. You are not selling yourself. You are opening the door on your life so that she can see in and work out if it fits with her.
- Digging out every photo you ever took and putting in the ones that make you feel warm and fuzzy is not necessarily going to give her the same feeling. Photos must tell a story on their own about you and your life. Close up, expressive photos (I guess even if it was a bad hair day) say more than the one at your wedding with your 400 closest relatives.
- Your words need to engage the senses, not just be reporting the facts e.g. “we like to walk on the beach” vs “we love the smell of the sea as we stroll along the beach, and the feeling of sand between our toes and the wind in our hair”.
- All adoptive parents want a baby, it goes without saying. Most of them have suffered from a painful infertility journey. She didn’t come here to hear about that, she’s looking for a home for someone she loves very much, a baby that she has carried lovingly for a long time. You don’t win a prize for suffering terribly, and this isn’t about “deserving”. (I know, hard one to swallow eh?)
- You aren’t trying to get approval from a crowd, you are hoping to be matched to one person. Allow your uniqueness to shine through, don’t keep things out of your profile in case somebody gets put off by it. Somebody might get put off, that’s OK. Somebody else might feel a connection to you because of that specific thing.
It’s given us some perspective and direction, focussing on the birth mother actually makes me feel connected to her. We want whatever is best for her in terms of communication with us, but secretly, I really would love to have a little contact with her once in a while. I already know she’s special. I can feel it in my heart!
Question to the adoptive moms, how many pages were in your profiles?