Our Adoption Profile

So time is whizzing on by, and it’s already been six weeks since we met with the social workers. 

I wanted to fill in all those forms perfectly, and we have put a lot of love, care and attention to detail into them.  But something else has crept in – a little habit of mine.  I get completely stopped in my tracks by my perfectionism. 

If someone gave me two years to put together this adoption profile, I would take the full two years, working on it every day.  I would scrutinize every photo and every word.  And I’m heading down that path right now.

How do you reflect who you are, and everything this adoption means to you?  It’s huge.  I mean, I was worried about what to wear for the screening, hello.  This weekend I am going to have to seriously pull myself towards myself and push forward!

I did quite a bit of research on this of course.  I’ve read loads of online adoption profiles.  I’ve looked for advice.  And I do actually want to share what DH and I found, because it’s amazing stuff.  Take a look at these bright, funky profiles

And then.  There is this website, giving adoption profile advice.  We’ve both read and re-read the website countless times.  This is what I got from it (in my own, less than eloquent words):

  • Your adoption profile is not a self centred vomit about you and how fab you are.  Your adoption profile is in fact, entirely about the birth mother.  You are not selling yourself.  You are opening the door on your life so that she can see in and work out if it fits with her.
  • Digging out every photo you ever took and putting in the ones that make you feel warm and fuzzy is not necessarily going to give her the same feeling.  Photos must tell a story on their own about you and your life.  Close up, expressive photos (I guess even if it was a bad hair day) say more than the one at your wedding with your 400 closest relatives.
  • Your words need to engage the senses, not just be reporting the facts e.g. “we like to walk on the beach” vs “we love the smell of the sea as we stroll along the beach, and the feeling of sand between our toes and the wind in our hair”.
  • All adoptive parents want a baby, it goes without saying.  Most of them have suffered from a painful infertility journey.  She didn’t come here to hear about that, she’s looking for a home for someone she loves very much, a baby that she has carried lovingly for a long time.  You don’t win a prize for suffering terribly, and this isn’t about “deserving”.  (I know, hard one to swallow eh?)
  • You aren’t trying to get approval from a crowd, you are hoping to be matched to one person.  Allow your uniqueness to shine through, don’t keep things out of your profile in case somebody gets put off by it.  Somebody might get put off, that’s OK.  Somebody else might feel a connection to you because of that specific thing.

It’s given us some perspective and direction, focussing on the birth mother actually makes me feel connected to her.  We want whatever is best for her in terms of communication with us, but secretly, I really would love to have a little contact with her once in a while.  I already know she’s special.  I can feel it in my heart!

Question to the adoptive moms, how many pages were in your profiles?

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8 Comments

Filed under Fertililty

8 responses to “Our Adoption Profile

  1. The guidelines make me think of the online marketing stuff I do where they’re always telling you to be 100% yourself (weird, etc.) because you want people to either GET you or click away. The bonus is the ones you stay are FANS because they connect with you.

    I agree!

    I would love to see all your awesomeness (and weirdness) in your book 🙂

    Are you a P? (myers briggs) I have a colleague who needs firm deadlines otherwise she’ll research til she’s blue in the face 🙂

  2. Hi Mash….we did not have to prepare a fancy profile..our SW just wanted a couple of pictures of us (our adoption process is a little different). If you want I can send you what I prepared

  3. Mash, preparing your adoption profile is by far the most stressful part of the process. With Ava’s placement, we were under pressure and threw something together in a matter of hours and guess what? We were chosen immediately because our BM loved the photo of W and I we chosen for our cover and it spoke to her and she chose us before she’d even read our profile.
    With our second placement, we spent a lot of time and money putting it together and it’s about 15 pages max, mostly images with some text.
    Your BM will choose you because something about your profile will connect with her so the best advice I can give you is to not over think it, follow your instincts and let destiny take it’s course!
    xxx

  4. Sam

    I have no advice to offer just some love and support, I know what you end up with will be perfect. Good luck!

    xxx

  5. I really enjoyed doing our profile. It gave us time to revisit some great memories and take stock of our lives. We did a scrapbook – it has about 15 pages.

  6. Good luck with the profile. I think you will be a great mother and i am sure the right BM will also see that. ((HUGS))

  7. What excellent advice!! I, too, find myself being a perfectionist as we put together our adoption stuff, which is somewhat out of character for me! I went to the website you mentioned, My Adoption Advisor, and I have to say I just printed out the quote “The goal for your adoption profile is to help you connect with just a few expectant parents who think you are incredible, not 100 expectant parents who think you are OK.” and stuck it where I will see it when we work on our adoption stuff, because that really seems to be my biggest hangup – I make things too general to try and please everyone. Such good advice! For our profile, we have to submit one nice picture of the 2 of us; our Dear Birthparent letter which has to be 2 one-sided pages, typed (no photos on that); and 2 double-sided (or 4 single-sided) pages of photos with captions, no scrapbooking allowed. Our agency doesn’t have the option of having any online profiles.

  8. Mash, I would say be as true to yourself as possible.
    I also did feel very connected to Zoé’s birth-mum … somebody in the universe will feel this connectedness and pick you !!
    All the best for the wait and hope it will not be long anymore.
    Love, Sophie

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