Foot In Mouth Disease

Two posts in two days, who would have thunk it!

Someone recently pointed out this article to me, it has been published in a national newspaper here this week, and is a classic example why so many of these ridiculous myths in the fertility industry are perpetuated.  Instead of being the informative and useful piece that it could have been, it is filled with ridiculous quotes that would make even the most insensitive woman shudder.

http://www.timeslive.co.za/lifestyle/2014/08/28/egg-donors-are-realising-the-dream-of-parenthood-for-thousands-of-sa-couples

The parts that truly beggar belief come from a woman who is a mental health professional, specialising in infertility counselling.  And they are these:

…the majority of her patients choose not to tell their children that they were conceived with a donor egg.

“It is simply because they cannot trace the donor, so that knowledge will not empower the child, there is nothing to be gained. It is a little white lie to protect the child. But they then choose to not tell anyone else about it either and really just forget about it.

Which really gives you a clear indication of where her advice lies on the matter.  Just a teeny weeny little in-authenticity for a child to start their life with and for it’s parents to “forget about”, until heaven forbid, somebody needs a bone marrow donor one day and discovers that their DNA doesn’t match their mother’s.  Or, you know, technology advances to the point that DNA databases become like Google.  Clearly, despite the fact that this is her industry, she hasn’t done much reading on the damage that it can do for a donor conceived adult to have this information hidden from them.

Then this pearler on egg donation vs adoption:

…Unlike adoption, it is not about being abandoned by someone, so it is not an issue of rejection.”

Anyone who has ever had contact with a birthmother knows that nothing could be further from the truth, they place their children with great love and with the hope of giving them a better life.  

It doesn’t come as a surprise of course, that this woman’s husband is also the clinic’s Fertility Specialist, and so any of her patients who consider opting for adoption represent a loss of income to her household.  Her appalling choice of words in such a public forum are a complete embarrassment to the industry.

The next quote is possibly slightly more innocent, but only because it originates from someone who is not in the industry and would not necessarily be expected to know better.  Either way, it would still be a scathing and painful thing for any adoptive mother or mother via surrogacy to hear:

“Going through all that, pregnancy and delivery, makes a person a mother, not genetics.

So anyone who thought that getting up 10 times in a night for a desperately ill child who they love so much they would die for entitles them to being called mother – sorry.  Not according to this lady.  Pregnancy and delivery, that’s all that counts.

I guess we all hear these stupid, biased and uneducated opinions around us all the time as infertiles.  But seeing it in a national newspaper takes it to a different level.

Gobsmacked.  That’s all.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Foot In Mouth Disease

  1. The Blessed Barrenness

    Shocked! But not shocked by who the psychologist is….
    And I would be hugely offended by the fact that I’m not considered a “real mother” because I wasn’t pregnant or gave birth, but I’m blessed to know better than that!

    • Good for you Sharon 😉 I just get angry on behalf of people that are being prejudiced like this, because that’s all it is. Stupid, superstitious prejudice.

  2. Sam

    Gobsmacked. I just can’t. That so called psychologist should know better, no wonder so many people leave that clinic messed up and broken.

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