Firstly, I need to update you on my ungiftedness. Meaning, I’m still lagging behind a bit on the gifting side of things. The gifts have been small, and could be considered insignificant… I gave someone a lift to the train station, and gave him a compactable, reusable shopping bag, that I admittedly got for free at the wellness day at work. I took DH out for lunch and gave my lovely domestic worker, Pinkie, spinach from our garden. I haven’t exactly been inspired, the reason being that I am doing my yoga teacher’s prac exam on Saturday and that is where every spare moment goes. Even just coming up with creative ideas is a bit tough right now, but that is the whole point isn’t it? To take us out of our own little universe, and make us step into someone else’s world for a bit.
There’s other, fertility related stuff going on in my world. As you all know, I’m more than a bit afraid of IVF. It took all my courage just to let them prick my finger for the cholesterol test at work, and I was positioning myself in the chair in just such a way that if I passed out I wouldn’t hit my head and be brain damaged. There are other reasons too, I’m not entirely ready to let go of the “miracle” conception yet. I know it is unlikely, but I need to have tried everything. At that point I will be ready to surrender, and let my wonderful Dr H wave his magic wand (not DH’s magic wand, DR H. Different kind of wand).
So here’s the plan. And to those of you that are not big spiritual hippies, it is going to sound a bit “out there”, so I’m sorry! You need to understand that I haven’t even taken a disprin for a headache in about 5 years. So here are the last of the plans for the Au Naturel conception, before IVF (originally scheduled for March, but now only likely to happen around May or even later). Also, please realise that I have no judgement about IVF, I have the highest respect for those of you that are going this route, the courage of an IVF’er is surely comparable to that of a soldier going into combat!
I’m going to make my peace with horses. I love horses, and have never ridden again since I fell off 11 years ago. Horses are very spiritual animals, and one of the last things I saw after I fell off and before I was whisked off to hospital was a big concerned horsey face, the nose coming right down to mine, enquiring what had happened. I never rode again because of a promise that I made to my mother. But there is a lady who holds sessions with horses that don’t involve riding, and I will be having one of those. I’ve had two seperate intuitives tell me that I need to spend time with horses, so why not!
I also ordered a Self Fertility Massage DVD, a bit expensive when you take postage into account, but cheaper than a trip to the US to get the treatment. I will be doing this for 6 weeks. It also includes the castor oil packs, the two work in conjunction. I reckon, if nothing else, it can only improve my chances for IVF. I had some interesting results in the first few days, but it’s a bit gross to describe here. Suffice to say that some elimination took place.
Affirmations. I’m a big fan of Louise Hay’s book “You Can Heal Your Life” and the DVD of the same name, I think I mentioned it before, and I believe that our words can truly change our reality. I’m not trying to say that we are infertile due to using the wrong words, but sometimes changing the way we speak about things can change the way we think about things, and it can have an impact on our physical reality. These are my current affirmations: “My body and mind are clean, clear and free of restrictions”. “I am willing to release the need to be infertile. It is safe for me to become a mother”. (I have some deep seated issues about bringing a child into the world, that it’s too dangerous here, the world isn’t a perfect enough place. I sometimes feel that I am being selfish by wanting a child, and that I am bringing unnecessary suffering to a little human being).
The last thing I am going to do is a course in Quantum Energy Coaching. My earth angel in the world of fertility has been Cam who introduced me to the infertility forums, and lent me LOTS of books on the subject. Seriously, she could start a business lending out fertility books! One of them was on the impact of hypnotherapy on fertility treatment, and that had quite an impact on me. I contacted someone I know who is a clinical hypnotherapist, and she told me that she felt the Quantum Energy Coaching course is way more effective. It’s so interesting actually, the lady who runs the course is a GP, and she got tired of just doling out drugs to everyone, and noticed that they were all just basically unhappy in their lives. That’s where the Quantum Energy comes in, and there’s also a subsection of this course that deals in releasing trauma from the cells. I think I am probably a prime candidate for that. The idea behind that is that after animals are in life threatening situations (e.g. an impala that was chased by a lion, but got away), research has shown that their bodies start to tremour, for about 20 minutes, before they carry on with their lives, totally free of Post Traumatic Stress. Apparently this tremouring is necessary to send messages to the brain that the danger is over, and to switch off the adrenaline. But when we as humans see someone tremouring after a stressful incident, we do everything we can to stop it. Most of us are actually living with years of stored up trauma. And so, on the course they teach you to tremour!
OK, so that’s it in a nutshell. And DH is being dragged along for the ride. Who knows, I might suddenly have Mr SuperSperm on board with me, and that can’t be a bad thing.
I’ll let you know how it goes. Once I’m done talking to myself, talking to horses, lying on the couch with castor oil packs and spending a few minutes a day tremouring, I might finally be ready to join my brave IVF warrior friends in the computer.
But until then, that is my somewhat unusual POA for now. Anyone else doing anything whacky to get fertile?